Monday 10/15/07 ....and Brian's getting LARRRRGER

I've done it. I've completely fallen of course. Motivation has once again escaped me so bad that not only have I slacked off in my swimming, but also in my diet. Its like a broken record lately. Why do I like food so much? And its ALWAYS the bad food I go for. Why do I have no control? I just go nuts and can't stop. I lack the discipline that is needed, and boy does it get to me. If only I could not be bothered by my physical appearance.

As I was taking a shower this morning, my belly literally increased before my very eyes. I instantly hopped out of the shower and onto the scale, soaking wet to see what the damage was. 195. WTF!?!? How did that happen? Where was the 178 of two months ago? Its amazing that I can gain that so quickly. I about fainted at those three numbers. To make light of the moment, I pushed out my belly as far as it could go, pretending I was pregnant. Then when I realized that it looked more like I was 9 months pregnant than 2, the humor quickly vanished. How did I let this happen? Better yet, how am I going to fix this?

So once again, I'm at that all too familiar spot. Where I tell myself this time I'm going to be more serious and be proud of the body I have worked for. But the question remains, what will I do THIS time to make sure it happens? Why will this time work, unlike all the others? Do I need to start up P90X again? Do I need to plan out my diet and weeks worth of exercising? Schedules always work best for me, so that has to happen. What about my eating? How will I eat an apple instead of a slice of cheese or spoonful of peanut butter when the cravings hit? And what of my snack when I get home from work? How can I make sure I get something healthy, but also filling enough that I don't eat whatever is in sight, and don't stop until its all gone and my belly is full? It also must taste good, or I can forget it. Are the lean cuisines I have at lunch really that good for me? Should I be also having other meals that aren't so high in salt? And then there's the knee. So no running right now, but I need to definitely get spinning. I'd also like to get a bike soon, so I could possibly joing the guys training for ironman on the bike rides.

I have so much to figure out, that the solution isn't here yet. I will swim tonight and try to have a light dinner. I need to also stop eating desserts (well once a week is ok, but NO MORE!!). When you have a boyfriend with a HUGE sweet tooth, the temptations come even more frequently than before. Next time he bakes brownies, grab a banana. Or yogurt. Whatever I can. BE STRONG BRIAN!! That is what I have to remember. There is a goal I want to acheive, and always allowing a little bit of cheating turns into a complete waste of time. Snack a little bit here. A little bit there. Next thing that happens, I have lost my way and am eating an entire jar of peanut butter.

For now I will put together my diet and exercising and begin another try. I Have 7 1/2 months until I turn 35, and for a present to myself, I'd like to see how disciplined I can be. I'm 195 now. My goal will be 170. But more, I want to finally look at body in the mirror and be proud of something I worked hard for. It will be a great birthday present to surprise myself with. Because I can tell you for certain, I won't be expecting it.

Good luck, self! :-)

Update - Went to workout tonight. Knowing I was out of shape, I made the decision that my sole goal was to finish the workout without getting out early. Here it was:

LCM
600 w/u
8 x 50s - ez down / fast back
3 rounds of 5 X 100s on 1:45, 1-3 medium, 4 fast, 5 EZ
3 X 100s sculling
200 pull / 100 kick X 2
Total - 3400 meters

I felt really out of shape but just made sure I stayed motivated. My 3 fast 100s were 1:14, 1:12, 1:08. As always, the more I got warmed up, the faster I swam.

I have decided my swimming will me Monday nights, Wednesday mornings, Friday nights, Saturday mornings and Sunday mornings. I think I will spin on either Tuesday or Thursday (or maybe both). Then I need to incorporate P90X.